Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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