hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
