Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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