Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am puke
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
