Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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