Apparently you make a good broom.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
