all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
