i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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