I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
