Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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