and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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