Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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