So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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