the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
