farters have to be the big spoon...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
