anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Enjoy the penises
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
