do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
