i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
