Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
