Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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