pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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