i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
