Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
