dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
