but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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