just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
