my mouth tastes like poor choices
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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