I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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