i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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