Don't make out with my wife yet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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