Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize