If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
