upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
