the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
