just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize