Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
