Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
