Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
