Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
