I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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