He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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