Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
