Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
