the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
God, I missed his penis.
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