Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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