How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
