Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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