Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
