It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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