My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
