Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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