Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
