How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
