i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
