People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
