i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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