So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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