He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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