I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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