Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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