Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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