i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
