So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
