Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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