it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
